Anonymous asked: Prompt: Lily dies in childbirth.
James couldn’t remember the last time he was so fucking scared. In a matter of minutes, he was going to be a father. In the span of a year he had gone from a boyfriend, to a husband, and now he was to be a father. He and Lily were going to be a family. He joked around with his mates that he was born and bred to be a hell of a father, yet now that the time had come he wasn’t so sure of anything anymore.
What if he was a shit father and fucked up royally. He was quite the chaser in school, but it had been years since he had held something so small and the damn ball didn’t cry nor did it wriggle around. What if he dropped the baby? Hell, he’d never hear the end of that.
All his fears and the downward spiral of his thoughts ceased the moment he felt his fingers being squeezed so hard that he was sure that bone was going to break. Fortunately, the death grip that Lily had on his hand was enough to rip him out of his thoughts and into the present. A present where he was going to be a father to a little baby boy. His heart leaped at the thought, feeling his lips tug widely. James truly couldn’t wait to meet the little bugger.
"I love you so much, Lily. M’so proud of you." He spoke these words over and over again in encouragement. Squeezing her hand back even if his own was numb by now, occasionally leaning down to kiss her temple that was slick with sweat.
Even with her face flushed and contorted, skin slick with sweat, and the pained screams he wish he could take away, she was so goddamn beautiful. Lily found a way to smile back at him between contractions. Turning her head to meet his gaze and James could see everything she couldn’t say written in her face before the pain came once more. I love you. We’re going to be a family. Daft git you did this to me. I love you.
What felt like days which was truly only a few hours, he heard the cries of their newborn child and saw a thatch of dark hair atop of his head that bore the makings of a true Potter head.
"Lily, fuck he’s so perfect." He beamed, watching the healers tend to their little boy. His cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so damn much, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Tears of a new father pooled in the corner of his eyes and it took everything within him not to barge forward and take their son from the healers and hold him close.
James finally looked from Harry and towards Lily, still beaming with pride. But that look turned ice cold the moment he took Lily in. Her eyes were still open, but he could tell they weren’t seeing. Her body was limp and the hand still in his was starting to get cold, her skin growing more and more pale. “Lily? Lils!” He dropped her hand that fell lifeless to her side and he reached down with both his hands to grip her shoulders. “Hey, Lil… Lily, c’mon… say something.” He started to shake her slightly. Her body moving as if she were a rag doll. Those green eyes fading eerily right before his own eyes. “No… NO. DO SOMETHING!” He was now gripping her cheeks, bending down to kiss her forehead and the chill of her lips.
He began to scream, pulling her lifeless body into his arms. Things became a blur after that. The healers had had to magically pry him off of Lily. Restraining him in the next room where he could see them working on her through a glass window. He did not stop screaming or attempting to rip through the bindings, not until his wrists bled and his voice gave out.
James watched helplessly as the healers stepped away from Lily’s body after placing a white sheet over her prone form, siphoning away the blood that had pooled on the floor and on the bed she still lay upon. He had long since became numb, his body giving up on him and simply stared ahead.
It was when they were wheeling her body away that the door to his room opened and a healer came in with a look of pity. If it had not been for what the healer was holding, James would have punched that look right off of the man’s face. He didn’t want pity. Not now. “I’m so sorry for your loss, we have some paper’s for you to sign but that can wait. He looks just like you by the way, except the eyes.” The healer walked forward and placed the small bundle into James’ arms after unleashing him from his bindings.
James nodded without truly hearing what the healer had said, cradling the small figure into his arms. It took him a good ten minutes before James was able to look down at the baby in his arms. Their son…his son. James gasped when he looked down and saw a pair of the greenest eyes he had ever seen staring up at him with the awe of a newborn child taking in the world for the first time.
Those little fingers reached out and grabbed onto James’ own finger. His whole fist fitting around his one finger. It was so strange that something so small could take his heart so fast. Then the boy smiled and his heart slammed against his chest.
"Hello Harry. Daddy’s here. I’ve got you now. Everything is going to be okay…" Whether he was saying it more to himself or to Harry, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he was going to make Lily proud and be the best damn father he could be.
WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS OKAY
on one hand cliche romantic shit irritates me but on another hand it’s like i want someone to fall in love with the way i laugh and knock on my window in the middle of the night to take me outside to look at the stars or go somewhere like i don’t care where it could be fucking walmart or burger king i don’t even care speaking of hands someone hold my hand just hold my fucking hand
shout out to people who are scared to call others out, whose hands shake when they try to explain what’s wrong, whose throats threaten to close up with thoughts of ‘what if i’m just overreacting’, whose hearts are pounding out of their chests because they just stuck their necks out for their beliefs, who have lost friends and respect and safety for aligning themselves with causes
IF YOU’RE COOL WITH GETTING A KINDA AWKWARD ASK RIGHT THIS SECOND AND PLAN ON ANSWERING IT IN ALL HONESTY REBLOG THIS PLEASE.
fuck it, why not
I mean, TMI Tuesday, perfect day for this stuff!